https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yDx3VNkWlBg

On some nights, Dyson wakes up crying for his mom so she goes over to comfort him and he falls back asleep. But last night, Tracy was really tired so she slept in another bedroom and I was hoping to take care of things so she could rest.

Sure enough, he started crying around 1am so I go over to comfort him. He starts screaming because I wasn’t Momma. I did what I could but it’s clear he didn’t want me. So I went back to bed hoping he’d cry himself to sleep. But he kept going, so I went in to check on him again. As soon as I came in, he started screaming and kicking again. So I left again. This repeated … for an hour and a half.

Fortunately, he eventually fell asleep. Until he woke up at 6am and started screaming again. I try to console myself that he still loves me and that he just doesn’t see me in the role of comforter, even if I really want to be. But I keep trying because I still hope that someday he will.

And I do try to appreciate that there are things he does like to do with me. Like having fun with ferrofluid on a Saturday morning. So, in a nutshell, this post is what it’s like for me to be a dad.

Some notes on the ferrofluid:

• This is the small bottle from Vat19.
• There was some dust and gunk in my bottle so expect some impurities.
• Be sure to read all the instructions to keep the ferrofluid in top condition!